It doesn’t belong to me either.  So who?

If you’ve ever sent me an email that slipped quietly into the abyss, or worse, received a disinterested, shrug-like reply, it’s likely because I visited your website and, true to my ruthless instincts, decided I didn’t like what I saw.

Now, I don’t make a habit of dismissing people outright, though tempting, but when my customers are lured away, then offered back to me by a stay-at-home middleman, being politely dismissive feels like an act of restraint.

“But John, surely there’s room for everyone?”

Of course, there’s always room. That doesn’t mean you deserve a seat.

I’ve made peace with the fact that I’m not particularly likeable, or photogenic, and just barely employable outside of my current niche.  But I’ve worked for free, installed in the rain, and made every humiliating mistake imaginable.  So, when I see this new wave of branding clairvoyants dry-humping the industry with a level of self-confidence that would be admirable if it weren’t so desperately misplaced, I feel no guilt in pointing it out.

If I didn’t, would you still be reading?  I’m doing this for you.

So, let’s define our terms.  When is a broker a broker?  Not that you asked.

In its purest form, a broker connects a client to a provider, handles communication and coordinates outcomes.  They’re transparent about their role and, more crucially, they don’t pretend to be the ones doing the work.  There’s a quiet dignity in that.

A branding agency, for instance, might handle the creative process whilst outsourcing production; whereas a sign shop with production capabilities may outsource their installations.  These are perfectly acceptable.  Desirable, in fact.  Everybody knows who’s doing what.

But that’s not who I’m talking about.

I’m referring to the stay-at-home e-brokers who brand themselves as “full service agencies”, despite owning no equipment, employing no staff, and they’ve managed to insert themselves between the client and the actual work.

How did they acquire this work?  They use targeted ads, cold outreach, and the kind of brand language that implies legitimacy.  Have you seen their websites?  “We specialise in fleet branding”.  Who’s we? Their business model is built entirely on being mistaken for something they’re not. It’s born from a trend of e-commerce lifestylists who make money rather than earn it.

Maybe I’m being unfair.  It’s been a long day, and as I write this, I’m crammed into the window seat on a return flight to Perth.

But have you seen their portfolios?  They pose in front of cars that they didn’t wrap, in a photo cropped tight enough to hide the logos of the shop that did, which was conveniently around the corner from the end customer.  Not that they customer will ever know, as the car was conveniently picked up and delivered by the broker.

This isn’t brokering, this is impersonation.

“Ok John, you’ve made your point.  What’s the solution then?”

I’m just getting started.  Many shops enable this behaviour under the guise of having a “freelance salesman”, which is fine, until you realise it describes someone with absolutely nothing of their own to sell.  And who’s to say they aren’t sharing your pricing with your competitors?  Honestly, I bet they are.

Besides, if you really want to boost sales, you can hire someone.  An account manager, even a marketing agency to boost your brand presence online.  Hell, find a Tik-Tok savvy teenager to make some sick reels for you that actually features your shop.  I’m spit-balling here, but at least that’s an investment in your own visibility.

The idea that we should reward this insidious behaviour in exchange for the occasional job is, frankly, demeaning to us all.  And whilst I like to think of myself as dexterous, my arms can only reach so far, and my ankles seem terribly far away these days.

I’m just saying.

So, if you’re a broker, say so.  Don’t masquerade as a wrap shop because it plays better with your customers.  Own your role.  Clarify the value you provide and credit your suppliers when necessary.  And if you think this kind of transparency is a threat to your business, then by what right do you have to be in business at all?

And if you’re a shop, stop playing along.  Stop letting someone else use your skill to validate their own pretend agency.  They need you, but you don’t need them.

As for me, well, being dismissive is the least I can do, and I see no reason to lend my legacy to people whose only skill is forwarding emails.  Call me bitter, but at least I can point to something real and say, “I made that.”

Can they?